Published June 1965 — Download PDF of the original newspaper column
From the Office of United States Senator Robert C. Byrd Room 342, Old Senate Office Building, Washington, D. C 20510 Volume V -- Number 25 June 18, 1965 BYRD'S EYE VIEW A Public Service Column by Senator Robert C. Byrd WHAT WILL THEY THINK OF NEXT? For years, folk have marveled at the wondrous new things brought to public attention with each new age. As a favorite way of expressing such wonderment. the question. “What will they think of next?” is asked. Recently the hypothetical “they” have thought of some truly arresting things. As one example, a gadget has been advertised of particular interest to summertime porch sitters. It not merely arrests, but traps and kills insects--including mosquitoes and other annoying pests. This new, motorized, insect trap, is said to lure insects with its miracle "black light," drawing them into its powerful fan chamber end depositing them into a handy, disposable, escape-proof, plastic, replaceable bag. All this without using harmful sprays or powders--using nothing which would harm children, pets, and birds. To avoid arrest, motorists who exceed speed limits and have formerly been helpless against radar detection, and resulting traffic fines, can now buy and install a radar detector on the family auto. As the radar beam is picked up, the detector emits a steady beep to remind the driver to slow down and remain within safe, non-arrestable, driving limits. An “anti radar" radar! Also, for the motorists traveling the Nation's pay-as-you-go super highways, a new gun has been designed to shoot coins into the collection baskets of the highway toll booths, so no traveling time need be lost in stopping to aim the coins into the baskets. For the golfer, two new items are available which are guaranteed to lower his or her score. A new Range Finder has been developed which enables the golfer to determine the exact distance from his ball to the pin, thus simplifying the choice of the correct club to use in order to make the proper shot. Another newly developed item, possibly a natural companion to the Range Finder, is the atomic energized golf ball. These balls are advertised as having been treated with a special gamma energized process--at Oak Ridge, Tennessee, “The Atomic City”! If the golfer's game does not improve by using these gadgets, perhaps he will need to hire a helpful caddy--to "accidentally" kick or drop the errant ball into the cup. For new parents, many steps to listen to the new progeny's breathing can be saved by installing, on the wall above the baby's crib, an ultra sound sensitive instrument which will act as a watchful eye, or, more exactly, ear, to alert the anxious parents to any unusual sounds. Among the titillating publications, which come under the “What will they think of next?” category, is a book of advice to instruct tall men how they should dress, including words of wisdom on what specific neckties will do the most for taller males. What action must be taken if Christmas gift neckties from relatives do not meet the specifications is not known. Indeed--what next is a good question. - 30 -